Iphone photo update

As seen around here:

Jackson got tubes in today. But he also has had a 24 hour stomach (throw-up like crazy) bug. We still had him go through tubes. I realize that was mean. It had to be done. I could not bare the thought of more antibiotics and their regurgitation due to his gag reflex.


Tanner's teeth are falling out left and right. He pointed out this newly loose one this morning. It fell out at lunch. I told him I thought it would take til monday. I lose.
Ryan and his scout boys went snow camping. With snowmobiles. Tanner got to go. Their was an extra spot. They came home freezing. And Tanner was wiped out. That never happens.
The highlight of Walmart trips. I just stand aside and let them play. I wonder why I have not been rammed into yet?
Yes. We go to the Park. Mostly on base. Mostly when it is too cold to stand still. It seems like every other day or so I inflict wind chill torture on myself. And just because. We are going stir crazy!
Emma was out with me one night. As we were running errands, she let me know it is a "girls night out!" And that she wants her own pink smoothie.

Dear Nursery Leaders

I know you know Jackson is not sick. He does not like us to leave him. Thank you for holding him and trying to encourage him to play. I am sorry that he cried so hard and began coughing. Coughing is a major warning signal, think of it like his panic button. By the time I got there, just minutes after nursery started, I am even more sorry that he threw up all over me and my hair. And since it was flooding out of him, and I cannot stand throw-up, and was not thinking clear enough, I turned him away from me, and he threw up all over the floor and cupboard and someone's church bag. I am so sorry. I know I was not perpetuating a loving feeling, especially since I got short at my husband who took the baby but left me to clean up the mess. And I have a strong gag reflex, and being pregnant all smells are heightened. And it was such a mess!

I just don't know what to do with him! And I am so sorry again.

much appreciation,

ps- I got the sweetest call from a mother whose son is in nursery. He lost his 4 year old sister just a couple months ago to a sudden illness. She said they had been praying for Jackson everyday. That her little boy was so worried and kept asking about him and she said she had to call so he would know everything was okay with Jackson. Yes, I told her. Please let him know Jackson is okay. He just has an aversion to nursery, or being left. Which he never, hardly, rarely is.

That Dang Test

Remember my post on the Inteligender Test? And how mine came out blue. For a boy.

I just KNEW it. And I believed it. The test said so.

I called this baby a boy. I told everyone without thinking twice, "Oh, we're having our 4th boy!"

I had his name decided. (I told Ryan it was a name I always liked, for each boy pregnancy, and that ------ was his name- way to have his participation huh?)

I thought of the future boys dorm room. I would catch myself mourning for Emma- that she would not have a sister. I would think, maybe I could talk Ryan into "one more go". But oh the idea- I already feel so so tired! And busy. Let alone guaranteeing a girl is like 50/50 still right? And 5 is full and I am not officially even there yet.

I had my 20 week/5 day scan today. The OB spent an entire hour on the exam. I was impressed with his time and detail and he was discussing weird body words with Ryan. The last couple minutes or so he started the scan toward the bottom of the baby. I told him I knew it was a boy. Ryan, always the health skeptic, mentioned I'd taken that test. The doctor laughed. Studied. I thought "dang, I've never had a boy baby's parts seem so hidden!"

The outcome. Per the doctor, who says he's never been wrong in all his years of experience, "You want the good or bad news?" He kept studying. Then said, "The bad news is, you wasted your money on that test." The good? Let Emma tell you:

I was shocked to wordlessness. I could never have been more surprised. I teared up. Ryan teared up for me. 3 little lines as proof.

Oh, and the most important part, of course. She looks perfect.

(ps- my sil Cari was right. She had a dream. Ryan says she needs to dream us up lotto winning numbers.)

Valentine's Week

A real Heart Attack. I saw this off Life, loved the idea, & remembered I'd done this to a boyfriend or so lives ago. I "Heart Attacked" the kitchen with love notes for everyone in our family. This started on Monday.

Things I love: the way Jacks runs, Tanner holding my hand, Emma's dances and songs, Dad's laugh, Landon's love of rock music, that we are having another baby..... my list goes on and on. And everyday I have loved "looking" at these hearts with things I love.


More kisses please. My version of a kissing ball. I followed the felt flower tutorial here. It hangs over our kitchen table, the heart chandelier I made last year hangs over the kitchen counter.
Cookie Flowers Bouquets. A tradition learned from my mom. I think all my sisters and I make them. They make there way to teachers, and friends, and neighbors (as thanks who hunted for our lost children.)
Tanner's rocket valentines, from familyfun, but with smarties.
Emma's butterfly valentines.
My mantle. I put this up right as I put Christmas away.
Bits of love hang throughout my house.

I decided last year to love and prepare for Valentine's day. I want those to know how much I love them. And I do! It really is my favorite holiday.

This week everyone, including Ryan, needed fruit trays for their parties (Ryan's work/squadron had brunch for someone PCS'ing, ie- military term for being relocated). Valentine cards needed to be made and flower bouquets dropped off, with Jackson being sick I felt so busy. I had hoped to make these love pouches in time for my Family Valentine Dinner on Saturday. But just could not get it done. Next year for certain. (you can buy the pattern here from my dear friends at may&mae on Etsy).

I have been in a bit of a funk. Miss my old life a bit, and feel the monotony of motherhood. Laundry and cleaning and meals. Planning for Valentine's Week in our home has made me pause. And just love. I went to the Temple this week, Ryan stayed home and watched the kids, and once again, I am reminded that is not our purpose here to love? That it is.

Valentine's Dinner is Saturday night for my family. My menu is set. Going to try these molten lava cakes for dessert.

Oh, and Ryan added some hearts to my heart attack. His said, "I love moms decorations/crafts." And, "I love the way mom smiles." Celebrating those I love, always makes me smile.

Happy Valentine's weekend!

Take a peak.

Do you read Clover Lane?

I loved this post. It was perfectly written. On motherhood. It is on point with what I keep bringing up to Ryan. What do I want to do? I know I am a mother first. But still. I have discussed: law school, being a judge, an acupuncturist, just even going back to school, physical therapy for kids. And what about being a pharmacist? (He said the latter would be the most boring job of my life.)

But my "second life" will come in time. First it's the mother life.

And I love Life too. Linda Eyre's daughter's blog. I loved this recent post. I'm going to post something like this with my thoughts soon.

heart attacks and nervous breakdowns

This past Sunday, I stayed home with a stomach bug and with Jackson who was green and ear infected.

In the late afternoon Tanner asked if he could go out front. Emma wanted to go with him. There are no kids that my kids play with so we said it was okay. My street is quiet and they usually just play up and down, but are always within 2/3 houses of our house. And I can easily see them. 20 minutes went by, I had not heard them and Ryan went out to check on them. They were gone. And so was Tanner's bike.

It was cold outside. And almost 5pm. Ryan walked the street. Then came back and got in his truck and drove the block. He came home to get his cell phone, without them, and the panic set in a bit. I called my LDS neighbors around the block. I went next door to my neighbors super bowl party. We aren't familiar with each other, and so I described what my kids looked like. I peaked in there backyard. I checked the house. And still they were gone.

Ryan came home and told me to call 911.

As I stood outside describing what they looked like, a flood of people started pouring out of my neighbors house. Probably 10 adults and their kids, and then my LDS neighbors came down, and the super bowl party on the other end of the street. In a matter of moments, ATV's for off roading showed up and people were loading in cars to get down to the park and head off to a walking trail by my house. I gave no direction. There was an organized movement of people looking for Tanner and Emma.

I was kept on the line with the dispatch, when word got back from a couple walking a dog that they saw a little girl walking with a boy riding a bike. A good mile away. On the walking trail.

Ryan ran to find them. By the time he got to them, after the neighbor kids on bikes, Tanner was pushing his bike and holding Emma's hand. She was crying. He was crying. Emma said her throat hurt from the cold and that she "told Tanner to take her on a short little walk". Tanner said he tried to put her on his bike so he could push her and offered her his coat, but she said she was just, "wishing and dreaming she was home."

Ryan thanked everyone, I stayed inside and cried. Tanner cried harder. Emma needed some throat medicine. And she wanted to know if she missed dinner. We held the kids and went over safety rules and the "what were you thinking Tanner?" questions.

I definetally feel like I am an attentive mom. Emma and the little ones don't play out front unless I sit there and watch them. Tanner can ride his bike around the corner to the LDS neighbors, but not to school. I drop him off and pick him up everyday. I worry most about stranger danger. More than choking, or illness, or some other awful thing.

And still, Tanner and Emma left our little street. To go for a walk. Tanner knew better. He said so. They were not lost, Tanner had just miscalculated how far the walking trail goes. Especially with Emma's little legs. But mostly, an 8 year old's judgment is just not always wise. And that's what parents are for. So we failed a bit for sure.

He did try to make it better for her. And Emma loves him so much. Ryan told the kids "you gave me an almost heart attack and your mother a nervous breakdown because we love you."

It's nice to know, that even though Super Bowl Sunday was under way. People still have perspective. That lost children are more important. My neighbors are all getting Valentine Cookie Bouquets. And I think that's it. This is going to be the only lost story we will ever have to re-tell in our family.

pushed tooth

Tanner had a loose molar.

Landon wanted to feel it.

Tanner: "Now be gentle Landon."

Landon touches the tooth. Tanner starts gagging and then spits the tooth out.

Tanner: "Landon pushed my tooth out!"

I was sitting on my bed watching the entire thing and laughed so hard tears came. Tanner, after the shock, told Landon, "good job buddy! The tooth fairy comes tonight!". Landon cried (he always cries).

But, the tooth fairy left money for Tanner and some pennies for the gumball machine from Grandma Stephens, for Landon, "for helping". And I might add, I think Landon pushed hard, it was not hanging by a thread yet.

dentist waiting room- 2 weeks ago

Jackson

has double ear infections.... again. Time for tubes. He has a gag reflex like no other. Any oral medication he is give instantly comes back up. Even after repeated attempts. He's bought himself double antibiotic shots for three days, one in each leg, and an ENT appointment. Oh, and "bum medicine" as Tanner calls it. We'll get those pain meds in one way or another.