Mother-Love

"As mothers, we occupy a unique and cherished spot in the hearts of our children.

We must not underestimate the power of our position"- Debbie Bowan.

Completely evident is the seemingly soon impending arrival of our baby and I have found myself really contemplating just how I will manage. I have no intention of sounding as a martyr and I know that some things, like mothering, cause women to rise to the challenge. Maybe not perfectly, but at least with a whole hearted effort. I've thought about myself as the caretaker of these little lovelies in my life and wonder if I yell too much and over worry about the order and cleanliness of our home and are the meals healthy enough and shouldn't I be brushing there teeth much more thoroughly and working with Tanner on his reading and turning the TV off more and... the list goes on. And on. The best advice I read lately shared,

"Many mothers would do well to do things that are beneficial to themselves and therefore beneficial to their children. So consider being kinder to yourself in some way... take a nap when needed, by recognizing that you are a better mother than you sometimes think you are, by giving yourself a break when it comes to getting it all done today."

I don't think most of the things I worry about will be that significant years down the road, but I do seem to hang by them now instead. And I believe I need to try and stop and just remember, that those 3 little kids that are all bunched up on the same cushion under 1 blanket, although we have many cushions and blankets, would always first choose to be loved really well by me. I really believe that. In order for me to love them really well, I need to be kinder and gentler with myself. I will have some major adjustments to face in the next month or so, finding new ways to juggle and adjust and adore each child in the right way. I can't forget to be a loving mother to myself either.

Baby, don't come!

I took the kids to Hubbers Farm last week- I was feeling just a bit off, but who feels really great in the last trimester? Well, by night, I was in labor. Ryan cancelled on a shift, came home to get me and then dropped me off at the hospital because we couldn't get in touch with anyone to come watch the kids. They stopped my every 3 minutes contractions with a shot and hydrated me with an IV. I won't lie, I tried not to have a pity party for myself, amongst being worried about the baby and really awakened to the truth that I have to stop doing much of anything. I was 30.5 weeks, dilating and drugged, and came home and slept through the weekend and have started on an oral medicine to stop contractions that I have to take every 4 hours or more as needed. I'm so grateful for the 2 dads that watched our kids so Ryan could come get me from the hospital and for the kindness' of good neighbors (the yummy meal "neighba lady") and inquiries of concern from visiting teachers, friends and family.

Since I have had to "clear my calendar" a bit- not like it is ever really that full- I have struggled with trying to not feel so worthless. I also realized I had a list of things to do before the baby was to come, much organizing and some landscape work and overall just getting things ready. Ryan has had to help out a lot more- and does so willingly. My, "Hey, can you lift this?" or "You will have to do the grocery shopping." and mostly, "I need to go sit down." are always met with concern and support and without complaint. Thankfully his schedule has not been so rigorous as usual. He has tried to discourage me from feeling worthless and encourages me that "things will be just fine!"Just more reasons why I love my husband.

Ryan

Due to my pre-term labor (previous post), Ryan has been busy. This week he did some landscaping and put in a new mailbox for me. He's worked a bunch in the backyard and still has to keep up on work reading and the rest of his work life. But, he did get a new truck. It makes his life all the sweeter for certain.

He drove up to cincinatti and came home with a '05 Quad-Cab Dodge Dakota. IT is really nice and the AC works, and it has no waterfall leaks, and it was exactly what he wanted. He has offically graduated from the High School car- he got $250 whopping bucks for it- I figure he got a cent per mile that the car had on it. It was a good car while it lasted.

Coinage

This is Landon. With a coin inside.

I was near him as he gulped it. I called Ryan who told me to bring him into the Urgent Care Clinic he was at, Landon was ex-rayed and confirmed of "coinage" and then instructed by "Dr. Williams" to strain the diapers until the coin is found. This took place with all kids bathed and ready for bed... but the coin did pass 2 days later. It's a penny.

Wishes

Emma: Mommy, did your wish come true?
Suprised by the random question, I look at her and she repeats it again. She has the sweetest blue eyes and I love her so.
My response, "Yes Emma, you were my wish!"

Hinckley Challenge Accomplished

It was a commitment for me to read the entire BOM in the 97 days. Ryan thought if I was reading so routinely I should have had a better attitude. He told me that on an occasion or two. With a smile.

I do love this book! Reading it through at such a pace helped me to keep the storyline better organized in my mind and reaffirmed to me that no matter what or where, our Heavenly Father is always, always aware of us. I never want to have Him, "be slow to hear my cries," and hope that I will try harder to show gratitude and love to Him by being a better daughter of his.