Tanner- Can I ride my bike down to Aarons?
me- Well.... uhm.... (stalling, because I know it is just around the corner and he is 7 and what's the big deal? I mean, I rode my bike around the block times over at Grandma's, and walked to school both ways starting in kindergarten with my sisters, and crossed a busy corner or two along the way, and I survived.)
Tanner- Mom? Can I?
me- (and I really said all this) Just there. And be right back. And don't go in the house. Or the backyard. Or get off your bike. Just come straight home and if you don't come straight home in a few minutes I am calling 911. Okay. I don't want to lose you (I'm thinking, or for someone to take you). Come RIGHT BACK. Okay?
Tanner- Mom, it's just like 15 houses down.
And he went and came back in a record of 3 minutes or so. And then I thought about what a freak-out I just did on him. And what does that make him think about the world. When does a mothers instinct get overrun with paranoia? And too much dateline and 20/20? And how can you decipher fear from instinct sometimes?
"Free Range Kids"- is a movement that encourages the parenting of kids that are given a little freedom. Do you ever"...let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less." It's put all together here quite well.
So, I like this movement. Really. For a time, my sisters and I were latch-key kids and, big news, we were okay. But, I still don't know if I can let go of being my kids "security detail". Maybe, I will tone down the "911" talks a bit. That's a step.
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8 comments:
You crack me up. One day this past summer I came home and I asked Rusty where Meg and Ben were. He told me that they rode their bikes to the horses (1 mile there and 1 mile back). I FREAKED. Rusty freaked that I freaked. He said "they will be okay, they're together." I paced up and down my porched until I saw them. When I saw how happy they were that they had just accomplished a two mile bike ride by themselves, they thought they were so cool, I realized I seriously overreacted.
I'm like you, when is it the mother's instinct, or the spirit guiding, and when is it paranoia? I think unfortunately, I am mostly paranoia.
Thanks for the link.
I'm still in the opinion of erring on the side of safety. I know that my kids just might be able to walk around the corner to a friends house and be fine, but I don't trust the person they come across along the way. You're more brave than I am.
I'd like to give a little more freedom as the kids get older, but its so hard because they are like a PACK...and not all old enough. I think those TV shows have warped my brain. The awful stuff out there all cramed into an hour. I love your 911 comment. Tanner probably had the BEST self esteem when he made it back unharmed and a with out the SWAT team after him. I can see the benifits! :)
I am so experiencing this same freak out with my kids... thanks for the link. I'm going to go check it out now!
Great post! I have this conflict all the time in my head! My freedom gave me so much confidence and independence, but I don't know if I could ever forgive myself if something happened! I think we're given so many things to worry about as a parent now a days! I finally let the kids walk around the neighborhood by themselves (not Rylan)but I made them take walkie talkies and I had a running conversation with them the whole time! Sad, I know! - Kristine
I know just how you feel!! I remember walking to school by ourselves when I was in kindergarten!! I still walk Connor to school and he is in the 5th grade- Michael thinks that I totally overreact. It's nice to have a reality check and know that you are not the only mom that has the same freak out thoughts :)
I loved this post. My boys have been begging me to walk all the way home from school. It is not that far. I could probably walk it at a brisk pace in ten mintues. But it seemed far when I thought about my kids doing it alone. Luckily the only streets they have to cross are just through streets- meaning they don't have to cross to the other side. It took me awhile to say yes. And then I did. And I mentioned it to my mom, worried she would say, Cheryl, that is dangerous. And she told me it was smart to let them walk home because they have to learn to be independent. Of course, you don't want them to be put in a dangerous position, but if they stayed together I realized it would be OK. Now they have a heard of kids that all walk home on Wednesdays. That is their day to be big kids. And it's great. It is fun to see them mature. But to me they'll always be my little boys.
Also, when we moved to Lexington 2 years ago I was DEAD SET on my kids runnning free outside. We have lived on a busy street in Louisville and they had never, ever been out of my site. The first time a child (we have a gang of boys their age that play in the front yards) rang our door bell, I prompty told them NO! Then I eased up a bit and time passed, my boys kept growing up and I knew that letting them play with friends let them have a childhood like mine, which I truly thought was impossible to have anymore. Now they run freely which keeps me sane and they have wonderful friends. It's hard to see them leave, but if we cherish their growth, it makes us happy, and much better parents. At least that is my 2 cents (or five paragraphs!) worth.
That should have read, DEAD SET on NOT letting my kids run free... oops..
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